Speaking from the Heart about Marriage Equality

Delegate Heather R. Mizeur
Maryland House of Delegates
Floor Speech on the Civil Marriage Protection Act
March 11, 2011

Thank you, Mr. Speaker.

I know that many of my colleagues in this chamber have struggled with this issue from a religious perspective, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I respect that place that you have been in for this entire debate, because I have been right there with you before.

Ever since I was a little kid, I was told that I am an old soul, because I was this seven-year-old kid that had figured out a lot of things about what she was supposed to be when she grew up.

I knew I was incredibly spiritual. I knew that my Catholic faith meant a lot to me. I already knew at that young age – in ways that I cannot explain entirely – that I wanted to be an elected official when I grew up. It grew out of the social justice tradition of my faith because that was how I knew I could give back to my community.

And I also knew I was gay.

And all three of those things work at cross-purposes when you’re a kid. At that time, I thought, I can’t be gay and be an elected official. How can I be gay and Catholic? But I also knew that in this complex web of my humanity that I was all of these things. And it was only going to be my relationship with God that would allow me to discern how to reconcile it all.

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.

I prayed it would go away. Especially the gay part. Make it go away.

By the time I was in college – after years and years and years of discernment – I realized that never once in my conversations with God did God tell me it was wrong. It was the Church’s hierarchy that was telling me it was wrong. It was the kids on the school bus that were taunting people with terms like “faggot” and “dyke” that was telling me it was wrong.

It was people full of fear. It was always something external to me that was telling me it was wrong, and in my personal discernment with God, in my direct prayer life, in my relationship with God, I knew it to be something different.

As I grew deeper into the catechism of my own faith, I became familiar with what I think is the most important teaching of my particular faith. It’s that the law that is written in our hearts – that comes from discernment and prayer and our relationship with God – that is the primary source of our wisdom, our actions, of how we are supposed to engage in this world.

From that perspective, I knew that when I listened to God’s voice coming to me, what I heard was: “You are made of my image. Be not afraid. Love one another as I have loved you. Do not judge. Love your neighbor as thyself. These are my simple messages to you.”

And empowered with that message of love – that love for myself, that love for other people – I set off to do God’s will. Every day colleagues, I wake up and I praise God for this day, and I praise God for the chance to show love. And in the free will that we were given, the most beautiful part of it is that we have an option on how we are going to create our reality. We have an option on how we are going to design our day.

Are we going to view our intentions and interactions through the eyes of fear, or through the eyes of love? And how are we going to act accordingly?

I get up in the morning, and I look at my hands and I hold them up, and I say God, these are your hands. What you have on Earth to work through are us. Let me do your will.

And I do that will through my work, and I also do that will through my marriage. Doing God’s will is best achieved when you have a soul mate to ground you, support you, connect with you, share faith with you. And thankfully the Lord saw fit to send me my soul mate, my rock.

Deborah and I were married 5 ½ years ago on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay with over 100 of our closest friends and family by our side to pledge a vow of eternal love and commitment to each other – before our family, our friends, and our God.

That’s what marriage is. It’s just a vow: to love each other, and be with each other in good times and in bad; to share joys, divide up responsibilities, and shoulder each other’s burden and pain.

It’s love that makes a family, but it’s marriage protects it.

What we’re talking about today is the piece of paper that the state grants to protect this commitment to forever. 425 rights and protections that come with a marriage license. Protections that are most often needed in the worst of times in a relationship.

If Deborah and I were to get in a serious traffic accident, and an ambulance had to take one of us to the hospital, would we have the right to ride in an ambulance with each other? When we got to the hospital, would we have the right to make medical decisions on each other’s behalf? Would we have the ability to make end-of-life decisions for each other? If worst came to worst, and one of us died in that circumstance, would we have the right to claim the body and make burial decisions? Do we have an opportunity to protect inheritance rights upon that death?

The list goes on and on, this is just a few of them. Most of these things are about protecting us in the toughest of times, and that is all we are asking for. That’s all we’re asking for, the ability to protect our relationships and that commitment to forever.

Because let me tell you something folks, if this bill does not pass today, guess what? Deborah and I are still married.

My wife is up in the gallery, and she and I will be married, and we will love each other, and we will live the rest of our lives together, fulfilling that pledge of commitment and forever, whether or not you choose to protect us in tragedy.

The one thing that opponents of this bill are trying to accomplish is the one thing you can’t stop us from doing. You can’t stop us from loving each other, you can’t stop us from getting married, you can’t stop us from pledging to forever to our God, and to each other, and to support each other in the toughest of times. You can’t stop that.

All you can do is make it really, really, really difficult for us in the most challenging times that life can throw you curveballs.

Our commitment to each other, the marriage we already have is not a legal construct. We never got a piece of paper that granted us any rights. That’s what we’re trying to reconcile here today.

We will be in love and married to each other no matter if you like it, respect it, or acknowledge it. We are not even asking you to like it, respect it, or acknowledge it – you can have whatever opinion you want. What we’re asking for is equal protection under the law.

That’s all this is about. No church has to recognize us or marry us. You can still teach it’s immoral if you choose to live in a fear-based world.

Choose love.

This week at the Ash Wednesday service in the Gospel according to Matthew, we were reminded that during the Lenten season, we are called to prayer in private with our God, and that privacy with God will be our reward. And that for the hypocrites that pray in public – clanging the symbols and blaring the horn to draw attention to their prayer and their almsgiving and their fasting – their reward will be here on Earth. The self-congratulations that come with that spectacle will be their reward. That those that pray privately and directly to God will have their reward in Heaven.

I don’t normally talk about my faith, because I like to keep it between me and my God. But I will tell you something, colleagues, as we work to mend this House – I choose love. Not just Deborah, but I love all of you.  I love each and every one of you, without regard to party, without regard to jurisdiction, without regard to any ugly or nasty things that you may have said in the past, or today, or things you will say in the future.

I love you. We have to love each other. God loves you.

Examine your conscience. Do the right thing. Cast your vote in favor of love.

Let the people of God say amen.